GUEST POST--MORE HORROR AT THE EMORY

Today's post is from celebrity guest columnist Davin Whipplethorpe. Enjoy.

I am having issues with a couple I was staring at like a car wreck, last Monday at The Emory in Ferndale, Mi. They were very fascinating to me as they were very unusual in the persnickety sense. First, the man comes in dressed like a Dandy, and amongst all the empty seats at the bar, sits 2 chairs away from me. I thought, ok, maybe he’s going to try and bum a cigarette or a light from me, a non-smoker. \I then overheard him order a martini with olives from the foxy bartender. As I watched the drink being poured, I noticed the bartender used Smirnoff Vodka to make the martini. Now, you tell me the man couldn’t shell out $2 more for Belvedere or Grey Goose? Shortly thereafter, an overly dressed woman, right out of West Bloomfield if you catch my drift, comes in and sits next to the Dandy Man. She insists to see a food menu as well as a drink menu. She started to ask way too many questions about the ingredients in the food. For Christ’s sake, it’s a bar menu. Anywho, she decides on a house salad and a cup of chicken noodle. The man had a burger, which looked delicious. This is where I begin to get spooked. The woman finally ordered a cabernet to enjoy with her man’s cheap martini. She ordered a house cabernet…a chintzy $5 glass of Salmon Creek poured from those huge liter bottles. She requested to the foxy bartender to bring the bottle over so she can see the label. It’s Salmon Creek! Go to CVS if you want to see the label. The bartender did bring the bottle to her for her approval, all the while looking at me and rolling his eyes. Finally, their food arrives. The man seemed to enjoy his burger that he ate like a normal person would. The woman, on the other hand, would spear a few pieces of salad and then proceed to dip it into her chicken noodle soup. She did this with every bite for at least a half hour. Eventually, she got tired of dipping and just poured the chicken noodle soup over the rest of her salad. I was so flabbergasted by her eating ritual that I couldn’t help but comment to my drinking partner. Probably a bit too loud as she didn’t respond well to the fact that I compared her eating habits to that of a retard. I can tell this by the daggers she shot into me with her eyes.

~ Davin Whipplethorpe