TOWN TAVERN

Stavros and I had an early Friday dinner at Royal Oak's Town Tavern recently. It was fairly crowded for 6:30, but once inside, we realized it was because everyone in there was old. Or they had kids. Or they were dining exclusively on booze. Nonetheless, the room was pleasantly full, and aside from the odor of fish that greeted us as soon as we opened the doors, the room itself was quite nice-looking and well laid out. Booths in the middle, high-tops in front and low tables in the middle and along the walls. We chose a high-top for two along a mirrored wall because Stavros likes to look at himself frequently.

The waitstaff were upon us at once, which was nice because Stavros and I were very thirsty. The day's specials, all fish (which accounted for the parfum de poisson), were written on two blackboards, one thirty feet away behind some hostessy-types, and one on the wall next to the mirror reflecting Stavros's undeniably striking visage, which I was able to read aloud to him by contorting my body into a spiral and leaning backward slightly. 

Since I am so picky, I chose the one entree I wouldn't have to decimate to make edible, the pan-seared turkey. Stavros ordered the grilled swordfish. We both asked for the house chopped salad. When the drinks had been brought, so too was a bread basket. "Crazy Bread," pronounced Stavros, and I peered into the deep wire basket and saw that yep, it was basically Crazy Bread, albeit short Crazy Bread. Since I hate cheese I was put off but Stavros ate a piece and didn't make a face or anything so I assume it was decent.

Within moments of ordering, possibly fewer than five, the waitress returned with the salads. I was pretty startled as the quickness, and said so, and she quipped, "Well, that's what we're pretty much known for!" I wondered about this, since the Town Tavern didn't strike me as the sort of place to go if you're in some ass-on-fire rush, but maybe the idea of a super-hasty dinner appeals to their clientele. So we ate the salad. It was as advertised: chopped. Chopped Romaine, chopped red onion, chopped cucumber, and chopped tomato. All very tiny pieces in a mustardy vinaigrette. Oh, and garbanzo beans. It was good, but the plate was chilled, which I hate. I understand most people want salad that will freeze their fillings (don't they?) but I happen to prefer something a little closer to room temperature, and since everything is done at breakneck speed at the Town Tavern, I hardly think a room-temp plate would interfere with a raw vegetable experience. Especially since there was about one cup of salad on the plate. How long could it take to eat? Anyway, it was still good. I just have a thing about a chilled plate.

The entrees arrived as soon as the salads were whisked away (surprise!). They certainly looked nice. Stavros's grilled swordfish was atop a pile of stir-fried bok choy and a spoonful of some kind of pineapple salsa was on top of the fish. Three lumps of deep-fried basmati rice/coconut fritters sat adjacent. I asked for a small bite of the fish and of course some blackish vein or something came off on the piece I took and frankly, that was enough to put me off, but I tried it anyway. It was a bit dry. The coconut fritter was decent--mildly sweet and squishy on the inside and crunchy on the outside. Stavros remarked that the fish was indeed dry all over and the whole affair could have used more of the "sauce." 

My turkey was not exactly what I'd had in mind. When you think "pan-seared turkey breast," don't you think of some nice thin fillet, maybe with some brown skin? That's what I thought. But no. It was three or four thick triangles of breast meat that had been sauteed, skinless, and presented around a glob of mashed potatoes (which were VERY good with bits of fresh sage rampant) and a tablespoon of tart, fresh cranberry relish, which was also good and I don't normally like cranberry sauce. On top of the turkey being a bit of a drag, the "gravy" was an abomination. I understand that "pan-searing" these great skinless chunks will result in zero juice from which to make gravy, but it can be managed. What curled in a big gelatinous C around the perimeter of half my plate was like half-melted caramel-colored jello of no discernable flavor. Actually I thought it tasted vaguely of my ultimate food nemesis, cheese, but I know there could have been none present. Stavros agreed that it was vile. I finished before he and I have to tell you now that the waitress committed what I consider to be the biggest sin in food service: She tried to take my plate away when Stavros was still eating. I wouldn't let her. Don't do that! I know you're in a hellsapoppin' big hurry to get us out of there so you can race someone else through dinner, but leave my goddamned plate on the table until everyone is finished! No one wants to be the only person left eating. 

We did not order dessert but I believe they had the standard four chocolate things. They did also have Ray's ice cream in special flavors, maybe daily. I think the night we were there it was coffee. Sick! 

Other items of note:

• The ladies' room was pretty nice and clean

• I don't think they allow smoking