WEEKENDS WITH ERNIE

Ernie’s is a party store in Oak Park. I don’t want to say much more about it, nor do I need to. Watch and marvel at the wonder of Ernie’s. PS Take cash—no credit cards or checks accepted.

PPS I guess I need to say more. Two complaints have flown in already. Well, first of all, you get to customize your sandwich, beginning with the bread. Nothing is toasted so get ready for a wet bread experience. I chose white bread because I am an American and Stavros of course had to order the ethnic option, an onion roll. From there you just tell Ernie what to put on it, or in my case, what not to put on it. There is a $3, a $4, and a $5 version. We went with the expensive choice because we wanted to see what Ernie was made of when he went balls-out. We also tried Better Made's "Wavy" chips which I was not surprised to find were WAY better than Ruffles. Anyway, the sandwiches were good and vinegary, mine was, anyway, because of all the pickles and shit. There was something other than pepper in that shaker, too, because I definitely tasted celery and maybe some seasoned salt. You can tell that is what Ernie considers his special spice. The $5 is a very large sandwich, the kind you can't quite figure out how to get in your mouth. Next time I will get a smaller one. Stavros went back today and got one and said it was much better. If you don't like being chattered to in the manner of Ernie, like my good friend Janis Beaglehole, you should not go there, because he is obviously on fire like this all the time.